note to self

dear self,

i know it’s been hard these last few years
this whole time around actually
but really
it hasn’t
i’m not blind
i’m not disconnected
just hear me out

what i’m trying to say is
i know it has seemed hard
because everyone has their own relative pain threshold
but if you look at it universally
the struggles we’ve been having
to communicate
to fit in
to keep from being diconnected to one another
they are problems
big problems
problems that most definitely have to be worked out
if we wanna see this thing through

when you look at the big picture
you can see that there are forces of nature
out there
or maybe even looking
for us

we have gone through so much
and i’m not trying to lessen the pain you’ve felt
i’ve felt
the distance that has grown between us
hasn’t made it easier to deal with

you know
i’m just saying
i was reading the news
and it made me think
which i know you said not to do
i was able to think and feel
at the same time
i know
you said that was dangerous
it worked
i began to see that
there is help out there

so i’m thinking
that maybe we should have a benefit show
something to bring attention to the problem
we’ve been dealing with
we don’t have to get bono or anything
i was thinking maybe that guy down the street
who plays that broken ukelele
you know
the guy who hangs out in front of spec’s
everyone loves him
i know
we always get in a fight
because i want to give him a dollar each time we pass
i know
i did the math
i know it’s not sustainable
a dollar every time
we’re on a budget

but that isn’t the point
at least not the point i’m trying to make

i think we’ve been looking at this whole problem
between you and i
the wrong way
we need help
help from the outside
maybe if we got a few people on board
started one of those think tanks
maybe we could begin to fix things

it’s just an idea

i haven’t been able to express to you lately
how much you mean
i hope you see this as a step forward
who knows
i mean
we tried spending time apart last spring
and that didn’t do anything

i hope that you’ll see this as an olive branch
i want to work this out
we are sharing the same body

well maybe we can talk about this tomorrow

by the way
that girl you liked
she said she would totally be into
you know
both of us
she just wants to meet you first

much love,
your better half

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